Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
