So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
