1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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