if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
