smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
