im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
