what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize