Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Is Oprah even human
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
