i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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