More tranny stories later!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
