This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
