What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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