you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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