Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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