thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I will pee on everything he values.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
