need another drink. this is the easiest way
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
