Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
