Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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