i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
