Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
