I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
