A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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