4 words: hood of his car
honey bunches of taint.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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