Me too!
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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