I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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