There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
