im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
