any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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