I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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