Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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