umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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