No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
