i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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