Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
