Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
