I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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