I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
