I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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