I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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