even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
