He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
