all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
That accounts for only three of the penises
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
