i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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