wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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