that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
