Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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