I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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