if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
And then my night got REAL pukey
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
