i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
