just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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