the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize