You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
