carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
