just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
