My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
