I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
No I am not eating basil off your cock
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
