how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
