if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
