I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
