Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
