you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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