For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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