I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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