i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize