guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
