i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
