i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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