Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
