um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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