So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The beer is more important than you right now.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
